HANKS SIGNS ON FOR 'DA VINCI'

In a bit of a disappointing move, actor Tom Hanks has signed for the lead role in the upcoming Da Vinci Code movie:

Superstar actor Tom Hanks has signed on to play the lead role in The Da Vinci Code. Director Ron Howard and producer Brian Grazer landed the actor they wanted to star in their adaptation of Dan Brown's controversial best-selling novel.

Hanks will play Robert Langdon, the professor who follows the clues into a mystery that uncovers shocking "revelations"—that Jesus was not divine after all, that he married Mary Magdalene and had a bunch of unusual children, and that The Last Supper is a painting with a bunch of scandalous secrets painted into it.

The adaptation will be written by Akiva Goldsman, who wrote Lost in Space, Batman Forever, and A Beautiful Mind.

I think we need to be ready for a full assault on Jesus and the Bible when the movie comes out. This is Hollywood's answer to Mel Gibson's The Passion.

Of course with Tom Hanks' recent track record (Polar Express, The Ladykillers) and the movies Goldsman has written (Lost in Space, Batman Forever) we may not have a lot to worry about...